Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Blog Update: Where Have I Been?

You may have noticed over the past couple of weeks that I have posted less frequently. I have made the most effort I could muster to post at least once a week but in the end, my health and wellbeing had to come first.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend who I've been with for nearly a year and a half. It was my choice in the end and I'm the one who lead the break up because it is what I wanted and needed at the time. I wasn't in the right place in my life for what he wanted and I fell out of love with him, which broke my heart because I really did want to love him. I've always been a person who knows what they want and takes action to get it. So, when I realised I didn't feel the same anymore I just couldn't be in that relationship for both myself and for the boy who I would just be pulling along and wasting his time. Although it was really tough and I came out of it feeling like an awful person, a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and feel relaxed for the first time in months.

It's a weird feeling breaking up with someone when you have no valid reason for it. It's the hardest thing I've had to do to tell someone I don't love them anymore and I will admit, I was a chicken about it and immature in the way I dealt with it. I'm 20 years old and this was actually my first serious relationship and then my first proper break up and so I couldn't have expected it to go smooth.

My mum is also moving away, which isn't a bad thing. She upped and quit a job that she hated and decided to do agency work where she can explore parts of the UK that she's never been before and experience different things that will develop her skills in a job that she has worked her whole life for. I'm seriously proud of her for the steps she's taking and although she's struggled with demons, she is constantly fighting them.

I've been spending all my time relaxing and hiding and reading and going to the gym and my blog went off my list of priorities. It was always in the back of my mind and I have a list as long as my arm of things that I want to write about but actually sitting down to write and take pictures has been something I just couldn't do. I don't know whether it was my emotions getting in the way or the stress I was feeling that I just couldn't bring myself to write about things I love because there were things bigger going on in my life.

I still love my blog, I still love writing and venting and I hope that I can get back into the swing of things and start afresh, sort of. Because I have written about my boyfriend on here and I have just ended something, I feel like I need an overhaul of different aspects of my life. A refresher, a new start. That doesn't mean I'm going to go Britney and shave my head, but you might see a few new changes to my blog over the coming months.

I know that some people aren't so open and honest on their blog, but it feels great to get this out in the open. It feels like I'm finally writing the closing chapter to my relationship and it's sad, but it's also what I needed. Sometimes you have to be selfish and that's ok. Sometimes it's good to be on your own.

Til' next time! XOXO


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